2016年11月20日 星期日

: : Charlie Puth ft. Selena《We Don't Talk Anymore》: : 飆淚歌 : :


星期六一個人在公司加班,嚴重過敏、頭痛、又經痛,整個思緒很模糊、頭暈目眩,聽到這首歌,看了歌詞,在無人的辦公室電腦前,不能自己地痛哭了一場。

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「難過我們都為了生活勞碌苦悶,難過我們每天追著已經不知道是什麼的生活,難過我們好像放棄了青春的熱情,但是最難過的其實是你發生的事情卻對我隻字未提。」

前一晚男友傳來一個非常誠懇而嚴肅的訊息,其實他知道,他感覺得到,我在刻意疏遠他。為什麼我要這麼做? 當我在今年五六月開始,不堪工作上毫無成就的快感、家庭帶來的壓力、受不了男友的悲觀而一直想著分手的時候,我發現自己裡外不是人,不管在哪裡都很多餘,覺得不管在世上的任何角落都沒有人需要我,我非常痛苦,覺得自己是一個罪人,很想自殺。

為什麼我想分手? 我覺得自己還愛他,打從心底的那種,我們價值觀相近、相處很愉快、聊天內容言之有物,而且他很會照顧人,我這種生活白癡遇到他根本是撿到寶了,他是非常理想的知心伴侶,我想也會是個可以走一輩子、非常理想的結婚對象。只是從他去年當兵到現在退伍滿一年,那些特質好像都不在了,當兵好像磨滅了他的意志,不管做什麼事都由悲觀開始,覺得自己做不到,或者結果不會圓滿,變得畏首畏尾。這讓我非常痛苦,我照顧自己的心情和生活都照顧不來了,我不想再多一個人的壓力到身上,當我察覺到這變成我的壓力、也讓我變得不快樂以後,我便一直將他推遠,想顧好自己。

一直到了現在,我從刻意疏遠中的罪惡感,變成完全忘記聯絡也無感,這轉變很淒慘對吧,但我覺得自己不是故意的,我突然非常想談戀愛,很想回味那種極端又心跳不已的心情,我不想要跟一個人在一起卻感到疲憊,也對於毫無變化的相處感到焦躁。結果我一直向外追尋,去上設計課、電影課、去跳有氧、游泳,同事塞滿了我的生活,我很喜歡這群同事,他們都是那麼地可愛,回家則是專注於案子、畫畫、電影和影集,我被這豐富到沒有時間也沒有心力負荷的生活給痲痹了,這些事情變成我的優先,雖然持續地做,也認為這是對我來說有意義的事,不過有時候也會懷疑。

「我們都很忙碌,都很努力,我的生活步伐也慢慢穩定下來了,可是一回頭發現妳離我越來越遠,我真的不知道這中間到底是什麼環節出錯了,我好難過自己沒辦法承擔妳的苦悶,難過自己沒辦法成為妳的傾訴對象。」

我對他很抱歉,因為我開始只以自己為主、只為自己思考,便遺忘了他的存在,就連傳訊息、打電話都無法專心,看到這首歌的歌詞,完全就是自己的現狀,所以我很難過。我真的想分手嗎? 我必須說我真的不知道,可是我好像並不強求,覺得一切隨緣,甚至覺得如果有個完美的女孩出現在他身邊,我一定可以笑著祝福他們幸福快樂。所以,就這樣吧,走一步算一步,過一天算一天,時間會為我們找到答案,一切隨緣。

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[ Charlie Puth ]

We don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do

I just heard you found the one you've been looking
You've been looking for
I wish I would have known that wasn't me
Cause even after all this time I still wonder
Why I can't move on
Just the way you did so easily

Don't wanna know
What kind of dress you're wearing tonight
If he's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before

I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame

That we don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do

[ Selena Gomez ]

I just hope you're lying next to somebody
Who knows how to love you like me
There must be a good reason that you're gone
Every now and then I think you
Might want me to come show up at your door
But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

Don't wanna know
If you're looking into her eyes
If she's holding onto you so tight
The way I did before

I overdosed
Should've known your love was a game
Now I can't get you out of my brain
Oh, it's such a shame

[ Charlie Puth & Selena Gomez ]

That we don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore, like we used to do
We don't love anymore
What was all of it for?
Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do

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我覺得歌詞跟MV切半的搭配效果很好,其實在感情裡,雙方都用情很深,可是兩人相處一定有很多無法名狀的摩擦,不論原因為何,都會讓人萌生退意,時間也會沖淡熱情,讓我們難以忍受熱戀時可以忽視的細節,走到雙方沒有對話的狀態,沒有溝通和交流真的還算是相愛嗎? 可是我們內心都還保留著愛,因而更痛苦。



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